| After helping a friend with a weekend wedding she was coordinating, I was inspired to pen a few thoughts I had on why I must still be single according to everyone else.
I am single. Yes, ladies and gentleman, I am single and I am admitting it. Usually we single people like to keep these this to ourselves until asked outright, because only children and other singles know how to deal with the those not in a romantic relationship. Our married peers and elders assume that to be single at the ripe old age 21, with only two notches in my belt, must mean that I am a Feminist, Ungodly, or Ugly. Why else would I not be earnestly roaming the halls of the local colleges, passing out my resume of domestication accomplishments stapled to an essay outlining my views on biblical submission?
I have recently graduated from Liberty University with my Bachelors Degree, have secured a decent job that I enjoy, and have decided to begin working towards my Masters degree in the fall. When you put all of that together with the fact that I am still single, the automatic assumption is that I am a feminist. I am grafted into that group of women asserting their intelligence and fighting for the equality they feel has been denied them while refusing to allow others to open their doors and demanding a ban on stay at home motherhood and domestication. Well, I hate to burst someone’s bubble, but I’m not a feminist. In fact, I think it’s stupid. Who was dumb enough to take having the door opened for them as a non-verbal slam? I not only appreciate having doors opened for me, I believe it is a sign of respect that should be appreciated. Am I the only one who believes that door-opening tends to raise, not lower, women on the scale of human worth-whileness? And since when did going for higher education make you a feminist? HELLO! Why should I sit around twiddling my thumbs while prince charming is out there, lost and to macho to ask for directions? I need something to do! Why not pursue a free education in an area that I am passionate about and believe I will be involved in for the rest of my life? Seems like common sense to me. And the whole stay at home mom/ domestication thing. My having an education and a job does not mean I am going to allow my children to be raised by a slew of babysitters and day-cares while I go climb the corporate ladder. I have bills, they need paid. And while I may not be the next Julia Childs, I can cook a dinner that will make your mouth water, if I do say so myself. I know how to set a table, arrange the flowers, and bake a mean apple pie. Really, we have the cooking thing covered. The thing is, it is hard to cook for one person, and if I cook for myself everyday, all I’m going to get is fat and cavities. So, indulge me my Lean Cuisines, and spare me the pep talk and recipe book.
So, I’m not a feminist. That must mean that I’m ungodly. That’s the second option, right? There is obviously some huge sin in my life that I need to deal with and repent of before God will bring me “The One”. I am going to need to join the Choir, start teaching Sunday School, volunteer to work in the nursery, spend some time working in the soup kitchen downtown, start a bible study for wayward girls, up my prayer time to 6 hours a day, start fasting for three months 4 times a year, and memorize the Bible in an attempt to become Godly enough to deserve a husband. Ummm…Bologna! Since when does God hand out relationships (or anything for that matter) on a good works basis? I am here to tell you people, that is not how this works. Granted, when one is single you have more time to devote to God and good works, because you are lacking someone to gaze at while sharing a chocolate shake with two straws at the local soda shop. BUT, we have got to stop telling ourselves that Singleness is the punishment for not being “spiritual” or “religious” enough! Dating Jesus does not guarantee you a boyfriend when you are done with your Bible study! You have not had your nose stuck in the single corner as punishment from not repenting earnestly enough or for neglecting to bake enough cookies for the Hunger Relief Bake Sale for the orphans in Cambodia! (Unless you’re a Catholic…then there is a chance the above mentioned methods might work)
Singleness is not my spiritual punishment, and I’m not a feminist, so that leaves only one option. I’m ugly. I mean, that has to be it, right? If it isn’t that I hate men or that I am being thwarted from dating because of sin, it must be that there is something physically repulsive about me to the male species. I either smell, have bad teeth, or just look like someone hit me...repeatedly…with the ugly stick at birth. Let’s be realistic. Surely someone, ANYONE, would have snagged me by now, being a college grad and all, unless there is something seriously wrong with me. Well, let me tell you something. If I do say so myself (and I ask you to indulge me in a little self flattery) I clean up rather well. I’m not a horrible dresser or overweight, I shower daily, and I don’t believe my face has ever caused someone to run away screaming “MY EYES! MY EYES!”.
Truth is, I don’t mind being single. Yes, all of you out there rolling your eyes in disbelief, I don’t mind! I don’t think I am being cursed and I don’t believe there is something wrong with me. I would like to fall in love one day and have a husband and a family, but I have my whole life for that. I’m 21! Don’t write me off yet! Please resist shaking your head in pity when you look at me, muttering something about “time running out”. I don’t need to be instructed on the various ways to snag a man, or read “How to Chase Mr. Right 101”. Just let me be single. Let me grow and learn as an individual. Allow me to learn through observation, rather than through a string of broken relationships. Let me have friends and crushes that help me realize the type of person I long to love one day, while I learn who I need to be and grow into in order to deserve that person. Allow me to live my single life with contentment and joy. Let me grow, and learn, and live, and be. And please, don’t pity me or think something is wrong with me. I am fine just the way I am. I am happily living the life God has blessed me with until the time is right to meet the person God has intended for me.
So, I’m not a feminist, or ungodly, or ugly. I’m happy, and I’m content to sit where God has planted me until He tells me to pack up and move on. I can handle being single.
Now…to help YOU be content leaving me that way |
